When your wings are broken...use your claws!
Well well well, not so long between the last post and this one! Progress!
I have literally been in hiding on a farm, in the middle of a field working on building my online teaching business! However that doesn't mean I have nothing to talk about, no no no. I have spent a lot of time thinking, assessing life and all the changes that have happened in the last 6 months. When I say thinking... I mean THINKING, and then some more THINKING. In other words over thinking! I don't know about you guys but it is a serious problem. I think about what might be, assess what has been, scrutinize every decision I made and over analyse it, then I think about what would happen if.... and then create whole new scenarios off the back of these what ifs! Apparently my friend (ok therapist ;)) told me its a side effect of huge changes, I am dealing with it by keeping super busy. Action beats frustration, and when those little thoughts rush to mind I literally speak to myself and tell myself to stop. That my thoughts are not fact. That my opinion is not fact. They just aren't real. Focus is based solely on fact, what is concrete fact. Not an easy fete I can tell you! A lot of people associate mental illness with being crazy and unstable and believe me I might be a little crazy and have been called this a few times over the years ;) but not quite ready for the institution just yet. It's life. Simple as that.
Now I want to talk about motherhood, I might not blog so much about this subject so much but not because I'm not obsessed with my humans but because of how irritating it gets to see a trillion pictures of ones said offspring with a little update about every. single. development. I also didn't want to open myself to judgement, it's a very passionate subject for anyone with kids! My main point on this subject is how different my views are on raising my little humans to the acceptable norm of traditional standards of past generations. I feel very strongly that its my mission to raise strong kids. Kids who do not fear being independent. Kids who don't fear being away from mum or dad. I now have to share my kids with their dad who has the same level of importance as I do for them and this means I have much more time alone without them. In this time I choose to travel, for various reasons, but mainly because I never had this chance before and it is a life long passion, my work allows me to do both so why not?! I am not saying the situation is perfect but why not take the opportunity as it is presented to me. This summer I had a month in total away from them, and I felt truly proud of them and myself because they took this opportunity as I did! They had a fantastic summer and never not once did they cry or complain, now me on the other hand cried often but never in front of them :). No, they had quality time with grandparents and dad visiting Slovakia, Poland and the UK! They came back from there summer fully satisfied with their travels and meeting with family they haven't seen for a while! They are currently in Poland now as I am sitting in Moscow on my travels again and as much as people might judge and say how poor we are, the opposite is true. We are making the best of an imperfect situation which is simply happy mum and happy children, positive co-parenting and experiencing life as it is - full of ups and downs and changes!
Not every one is as lucky as me, I am totally aware of this fact. Last week I was shopping in the city and Ruby and I walked by a homeless guy sitting in the freezing cold begging for money. He looked so sad, cold and dejected. My first instinct was to move Ruby away from him and side step him and as I walked past him he asked for some change. I kept walking for a second and then just felt bad. I've never given money to people begging before (usually food to the homeless in Poland only) but I took out a few quid and went back to him and gave him money. He looked surprised, and I asked him to go get something warm to eat or drink. He thanked me in a really sad way, like not many people stop and help him, he was without any pride and I felt embarrassed for him. I felt pathetic :( I really feel we need to do more for the homeless in the UK, I am now looking for charities to support and raise awareness and money to try and help this situation. I'm not trying to save the world, I just want to make a difference if its possible.
My first idea is a charity skydive....watch this space.
Right it's late here so I will sign off with this....we have 1 life, lets do something with it! Use your wings, and if they break use your claws!
Eyes on the prize
That English Girl xx
I have literally been in hiding on a farm, in the middle of a field working on building my online teaching business! However that doesn't mean I have nothing to talk about, no no no. I have spent a lot of time thinking, assessing life and all the changes that have happened in the last 6 months. When I say thinking... I mean THINKING, and then some more THINKING. In other words over thinking! I don't know about you guys but it is a serious problem. I think about what might be, assess what has been, scrutinize every decision I made and over analyse it, then I think about what would happen if.... and then create whole new scenarios off the back of these what ifs! Apparently my friend (ok therapist ;)) told me its a side effect of huge changes, I am dealing with it by keeping super busy. Action beats frustration, and when those little thoughts rush to mind I literally speak to myself and tell myself to stop. That my thoughts are not fact. That my opinion is not fact. They just aren't real. Focus is based solely on fact, what is concrete fact. Not an easy fete I can tell you! A lot of people associate mental illness with being crazy and unstable and believe me I might be a little crazy and have been called this a few times over the years ;) but not quite ready for the institution just yet. It's life. Simple as that.
Now I want to talk about motherhood, I might not blog so much about this subject so much but not because I'm not obsessed with my humans but because of how irritating it gets to see a trillion pictures of ones said offspring with a little update about every. single. development. I also didn't want to open myself to judgement, it's a very passionate subject for anyone with kids! My main point on this subject is how different my views are on raising my little humans to the acceptable norm of traditional standards of past generations. I feel very strongly that its my mission to raise strong kids. Kids who do not fear being independent. Kids who don't fear being away from mum or dad. I now have to share my kids with their dad who has the same level of importance as I do for them and this means I have much more time alone without them. In this time I choose to travel, for various reasons, but mainly because I never had this chance before and it is a life long passion, my work allows me to do both so why not?! I am not saying the situation is perfect but why not take the opportunity as it is presented to me. This summer I had a month in total away from them, and I felt truly proud of them and myself because they took this opportunity as I did! They had a fantastic summer and never not once did they cry or complain, now me on the other hand cried often but never in front of them :). No, they had quality time with grandparents and dad visiting Slovakia, Poland and the UK! They came back from there summer fully satisfied with their travels and meeting with family they haven't seen for a while! They are currently in Poland now as I am sitting in Moscow on my travels again and as much as people might judge and say how poor we are, the opposite is true. We are making the best of an imperfect situation which is simply happy mum and happy children, positive co-parenting and experiencing life as it is - full of ups and downs and changes!
Not every one is as lucky as me, I am totally aware of this fact. Last week I was shopping in the city and Ruby and I walked by a homeless guy sitting in the freezing cold begging for money. He looked so sad, cold and dejected. My first instinct was to move Ruby away from him and side step him and as I walked past him he asked for some change. I kept walking for a second and then just felt bad. I've never given money to people begging before (usually food to the homeless in Poland only) but I took out a few quid and went back to him and gave him money. He looked surprised, and I asked him to go get something warm to eat or drink. He thanked me in a really sad way, like not many people stop and help him, he was without any pride and I felt embarrassed for him. I felt pathetic :( I really feel we need to do more for the homeless in the UK, I am now looking for charities to support and raise awareness and money to try and help this situation. I'm not trying to save the world, I just want to make a difference if its possible.
My first idea is a charity skydive....watch this space.
Right it's late here so I will sign off with this....we have 1 life, lets do something with it! Use your wings, and if they break use your claws!
Eyes on the prize
That English Girl xx
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